Top Laughter Insurance Jokes

After an insurance agent does something dumb, he/she feels like kicking the heck out of the car. Cheaper therapy would be to read a stupid joke, story, or quotation about insurance sales people. Here's a few of them that would fit in that category, and make your mistakes seem a like less disastrous.

If laughter is the best medicine, our insurance jokes are just what you should have prescribed. Some are our own originals, others are ones that we have heard. Rejected are quite a few not suitable for print.

1. EASY GROUP SALES A man walks into an insurance office asking for a job. "We don't need any one," says the sales manager. "You have to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything." The manager responds, "Well we have two rich people than no one can sell. If you can sell just one of them, you have a job." The man was gone a few hours returning with two checks, one for a $150,000 yearly premium, the other for $250,000. "How the heck did you do that," the manager asked. "I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone, anytime, and anywhere!"

"Where's the urine specimen?" replied the manager. "What's that?" he asked. "When selling a policy over $100,000 the company requires it. Use these two bottles and bring back urine samples." Finally he returns 6 hours later, walking in in with two five gallon buckets. He reaches in his shirt pocket producing two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk. "Here they are."

"That's terrific," the manager grins and asks "what's in those two smelly buckets?" The man smiles back and answers, "Well, I passed by the law association. They were having a wild convention and I sold them a group policy!"

2. SELLING LIFE INSURANCE Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center. There he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. Soon after, Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits. He told each of them, "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

3. FISHY STORY "Give an insurance agent a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to sell, and he will take a client to lunch and drink all day".

4. ACT OF GOD "The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you" ----Alan Coren----

5. INSURANCE CROOK A drunk wanders into a bar and yells, " I think all insurance agents are crooks". A man quickly rushes up to the drunk and shouts "You take that back." The drunk replies, "Why are you an insurance agent?", the man, in a rage, hollers back, "No, I'm a crook".

6. GAMBLER A Life Insurance Agent decides to take a good friend with him to the horse race track and enjoy the afternoon. When he returns home his wife asks, "How was you day, did you make any money." He replies back. "Well, I didn't make any money today, but my client sure learned how gambling with the numbers certainly doesn't pay off."

7. COWBOY An agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy.The agent inquires,"Have you ever had an accident?". "Never", the cowboy responds. "However just recently a horse kicked in two f my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle." Wouldn't you call these accidents? said the puzzled agent. Nah, the cowboy replied."They both did it on purpose!".

8. CARING WIFE A man and wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." So his wife, unplugged the TV and threw out all his beer.

9. BIG POLICY "I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too." ---- Jack Benny----

10.THE TRUTH "The insurance salesman keeps us poor all our lives so we can die rich"

Well published author, Don Yerke likes to concentrate on what you don't know or what no one else dares to print. Tell it like it is. The website address is http://www.agentsinsurancemarketing.com Get your FREE 160 page Ebook on self confidence (details on 2nd page).